Anyone for Satay.

On Friday I was at a retirement party for a long standing friend, Jem. The event took place in a local pub; the beer was good, the company excellent. The only slight cause for concerns was the threat of being cagouled into making a fool of one’s self at the karaoke.

Refreshments were provided by Jem’s, long suffering, lady wife. This comprised of a large platter of finger food being delivered to each table. I have a reputation for a healthy appetite, so immediately tucked in. In the middle of the platter was a ramekin of sauce.

“I wonder what the sauce is?” I asked my fellow diners.

“Peanut, satey sauce.” I was told.

I selected a piece of chicken on a stick, sloshed it around in the sauce and took a hearty mouthful. My initial thought was ‘Mmm, this sauce is quite aromatic’ then as my taste buds went into overdrive, the truth dawned on me. This is sauce is mustard. As the realisation struck home, my tongue began to burn, my sinuses immediately cleared, my nose began to run, and my eyes filled with tears.

Anxious to help other avoid the same fate I said, a little too loudly, “This satay sauce is mustard.” Someone said “Mmm, I like satey too.”

“No, it’s really mustard.”

“ Oh! Are you OK?”

To add insult to injury the next morning I told my wife of my misfortune, she laughed like the proverbial drain. She said. “Did everybody laugh?”

I said “No, they were quite sympathetic.”

She laughed even more.

First posted on the river cottage website of 21/03/2010.